


I'll Be Yours

by themightygoat



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcoholism, F/M, POV Shane, Rating Might Change, Substance Abuse, and she can outdrink him, drug mention, farmer isn't perfect, much like shane, shes a bit grumpy too, this is going in a different direction than i intended sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-09-17 09:22:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9315272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themightygoat/pseuds/themightygoat
Summary: Shane doesn't like people, he likes chickens and hot food. But he doesn't seem to mind the farmer that just moved into town that can drink him under the table. He thinks he had it bad in his life, but slowly he learns that he's not the only one that's had hard times in his life.





	1. Chicken Boy

It was early spring in the valley and the first flowers had started to bloom. Shane found it all just so exhausting; he hated seeing the world so young and new around him while he ached and aged. He felt those aches as he made his way to the Joja Mart across town where he worked. As he was crossing the bridge he noticed that there was something different about this walk and he stopped at the top of the bridge to look around. It took him a moment before he realized that there was stranger sitting at the opposite bank. 

The stranger had her pants rolled up above her knees and a sunhat shielding herself from the sun. Her legs hung over the edge of the bank into the water while she watched the edge of her fishing rod, waiting for a bite to hit. Shane’s eyes were drawn to the open beer and cooler next her rather than the woman that was drinking it and he felt his mouth watering for a cold one. As he stared, the woman looked up at him and gave him a curt nod as she raised her beer to him.

His brow furrowed as he remembered that there was a person attached to that beer and he grumbled before he hurried off to work. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was curious about the strange woman who drank beer at 9am in Stardew Valley.

As Shane headed to the saloon after work he glanced over to where the mysterious stranger had been sitting before. She was still there, but now there was a basket full of fish, a lawn chair, and several empty beer cans littered around her. She wasn’t fishing anymore, just staring at the sunset as she sipped at another can of beer. Shane was shocked that a woman that looked younger than him could drink so much and hurried to the saloon to get his own pint.

Not 10 minutes after he had settled in next to the fireplace, the girl walked into the saloon, leaving her basket outside by the door and sat at the bar near him. Shane’s face scrunched up at the smell of beer, fish, and river that radiated from her.

“Gus, I’ll have a pizza,” she said just loud enough for Gus to hear. “Sure thing, farmer. I’m not serving you any alcohol though… I can smell it on you,” he replied with a bit of a sour expression. “Yeah, yeah. I know, I just wanted to eat before I walk home.” As Gus walked away to prepare her food she took off her hat and set it on the bar and ran her hands though her long chocolate hair. Her eyes were such a deep dark brown that they appeared to be black. 

Those dark eyes glanced over to Shane and she smiled awkwardly, “hey. I’m Stevie.” As soon as she finished he snapped back at her, “I don’t know you, why are you talking to me?” She rolled her eyes and looked forward again, “just trying to be friendly.” He didn’t say anything else to her.

Stevie only ate a couple of slices and turned to him again. “Go ahead and have the rest. I was going to ask if you wanted to share anyway.”

Shane felt the heat rise to his face when she said this, feeling a pang of guilt in his stomach. “Whatever… I’m not hungry.” He watched as she gathered her things and left the saloon. Almost immediately after she left he began scarfing down the pizza as if it was the first thing he ate in days.

He ignored the judgmental looks that Emily and Gus gave him but he couldn’t ignore the curiosity she sparked in him.

\-------

The first week after Shane met Stevie was almost unbearable. He often thought about her entering the saloon while he stood in his corner and he hated it. The only people in his life worth thinking about in his opinion were Jas, Marnie, and Emily (only because she served him beer almost nightly) so when he found his thoughts wandering to the only girl in town that could outdrink him he felt only bitterness.

He had almost forgotten all about Stevie while he worked hard with Marnie and the hens to make the Egg Festival a success and when he saw her at the festival he found it easier to ignore her. Maybe it was easier this time because she seemed like a normal girl, not the drunk, grumpy person that was in the bar that evening. 

She chatted with the other villagers and when she got to Pam she even chortled and patted the older woman on the back.

After her brief talk with Pam, Shane saw the girl fast approaching and he started to turn around but it was too late.

“Hey grumpy,” Stevie said to him with a little smile. Shane let out a deep breath and turned around and faked a smile, “hey, uh…. You?”

“Stevie,” she replied. “So, what are you doing here? I didn’t think you’d be the festival type.” Shane looked at her as she filled her cup to the brim with punch. “Well our- Marnie’s hens have been working overtime for this festival and I helped her out a bit too.” She took a few good gulps of the punch and gave a satisfied sigh. “Oh, that’s really cool. I didn’t know you liked working with animals.”

Shane felt heat rise to his face when she said that and mumbled, “chickens are better than people.” She nodded in agreement and filled her cup again. She leaned in closer and whispered, “by the way, Pam spiked the punch. I’d keep an eye on Jas. I’ll see you later, chicken boy.” He didn’t have time to respond before the whipped away to make small talk with the rest of the villagers. Only after the farmer left did he realize that his heart had been racing since she came up to him. His solution to this was to take a cup, fill it to the brim with dirty punch, and drink away the embarrassment.

\---------------

During the week after the egg festival, Shane saw glances of the farmer. He usually saw her on his way to work while she looked at the calendar or the requests posted in front of the general store. The one time she noticed him she came at him like a torpedo. He pretended he didn’t see her as he quickened his pace.

“Hey, chicken boy. I was just looking at the cal-.“ Shane shot her a sharp look and scowled. “No. I don’t have time to chat with you.”

At first Stevie was shocked, then her face fell into a frown. “Whatever, fine. You weren’t such an ass at the Egg festival though.”

Once again, before Shane had a chance to say anything, she was on her way to do whatever farmers do. _I wonder if she has any chickens yet,_ he thought for a moment as he walked to work. He shook it off and spent the rest of his shift thinking of not thinking of her.

After a long day of work and not thinking about the farmer, he went to the saloon as usual. _At least Saturdays are a little quieter than Fridays,_ he thought as he waited for Emily at the bar.

“Shane! Look what the farmer brought me today!” Emily came bouncing over to him, holding out a bright blue chunk of aquamarine. “That’s nice, Em. Can you just get me the usual please?” he grumbled. His body was aching and he needed a drink, he didn’t have the energy to deal with someone so loud. 

“Oh sure. That reminds me though, she left something for you too. She said she didn’t want to get in your way and he had her own things to do as well, so she left it here for you.” Emily pulled out a 6-pack of beer with a note taped to it.

_This is my favorite beer. I thought you’d like to try something new. Be careful, it’s strong even though it doesn’t taste like it._  


_-Stevie_  
_P.S. Happy birthday, chicken boy._

A small smile came across Shane’s face as he read it. He was busy scanning a bottle while Emily read the note on it. She let out a hearty laugh as the finished reading the note, “chicken boy? That’s a cute nickname.” Shane’s smile disappeared as he snatched the note from her hand and shoved it in his pocket, his face flushed with embarrassment. “That’s private, Emily.”

He grabbed the 6-pack and hurried out the door, completely forgetting about the beer he left on the counter as Emily and Gus wished him a happy birthday.


	2. The Habit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The scene at the dock and a little look into farmer Stevie's personality

Shane thought about going home after he left the saloon, but after being reminded about his birthday he knew he couldn’t handle Jas’s energy. He loved his goddaughter but his tired, aching body made it hard to handle her. He paused in thought for a moment outside of Marnie’s and decided to walk to the pond in the forest, he knew there would be no one there.

He sat at the edge of the dock, enjoying the warm air around him while downed a couple of bottles of the sweet tasting beer when he heard footsteps walking around the eastern edge of the pond. He only saw a dark figure and at first, he thought it was the strange man that lived in that dilapidated tower so he went back to staring at the stars that were reflected in the still water.

“I see you got my birthday gift.” Stevie’s voice startled him and he jumped, spilling some of the beer on his lap. “Argh, god damn- don’t scare people like that,” he snapped as he wiped it off with his sleeves. “I mean… Thanks. But you scared the shit out of me.”

Stevie giggled at him and sat next to him, hanging her feet off the edge of the dock as well. He grabbed a beer and popped the cap of before handing it to her. She took a large swig and sighed, “I feel a little guilty taking part of your birthday gift.” 

He took another drink of his own, “well I don’t feel like drinking alone.” For a moment, they sat in silence, listening to the sound of the nearby river and the nocturnal life that buzzed and hummed around them.

“Buh… Life.” Stevie turned her gaze to him as he continued to speak. “You ever feel like no matter what you do, you’re going to fail? Like you’re stuck in some miserable abyss and you’re so deep you can’t even see the light of day? I just feel like no matter how hard I try… I’m not strong enough to climb out of that hole.”

Stevie thought for a moment, as she finished her beer and sighed. “Yeah, I know the feeling. That’s why I’m here.” She leaned over and put the bottle in the empty spot in the case.

“Heh. Fast drinker, huh? Woman after my own heart,” he said with a small smile. She returned his smile and stood up. “Just don’t make a habit of it, you have your whole life ahead of you.”

“Thanks. I’ve had the habit since college but thanks for the advice,” she said as she helped him up. It took him a moment to steady himself. “I told you it was strong,” she joked as she picked up the case and handed it to him.

“Welp, my liver is begging me to stop. I guess it’s time to call it a night,” he said as he began walking down the dock with her. “Yeah,” she yawned, “I’m pretty beat myself.”   
They paused in front of the southern path to the farm. “See you around, Stevie,” he said with a smirk. “See you around, chicken boy.”

He watched the farmer disappear into the dark before he went back to his own room and laid down. This time he noticed how small and lonely his room really was.

\--------

The next day was bright and unforgiving. With a groan, Shane rolled over and covered his head with the sheets. The sound of Marnie talking to someone in the store front was what woke him up and it took him a few moments to realize it was the farmer. Memories of last night came back to him and he felt the heat rise to his face as his own words echoed in his mind.

_Woman after my own heart._ He humiliated himself in front of the new girl. She was probably laughing at him with Marnie right now. The anxiety tore at his stomach… Or was it the hangover? Maybe both?  
He rolled out of bed with a grunt and opened the door to his room quietly, trying to make his way to the bathroom undetected, but was stopped immediately.

“Oh, good morning, Shane!” Stevie smiled brightly at him from the table where she and Marnie were sitting and drinking coffee.

“Why are you bothering me? I want to be alone.”

“Shane! Don’t be rude, she’s our guest.”

“Oh, it’s ok. He’s just grumpy because he’s hungover. I brought you a pizza. Hopefully it’ll help your hangover. Marnie put it in the fridge.”

Shane only grunted and staggered to the bathroom to evacuate all the contents of his stomach. In the back of head, he hoped Stevie couldn’t hear his retching. 

Shane woke up in the late afternoon after a long nap. Thankfully, he felt much better now. He went out into the kitchen and started heating up the pizza that she brought him earlier. While he waited, he sat at the   
kitchen table, trying to think of a way to thank her for bringing him beer for his birthday and a pizza for his hangover.

As he munched on the pizza he wrote her a short note and a recipe for something called a “strange bun”. It sounded a little weird to him but it honestly the only recipe he could think of right now and his mind was still fuzzy from the hangover.

After a quick shower, Shane decided to walk to the farmer’s house and deliver her letter. “Ugh, this is going to be a long walk. I don’t know why I even showered,” he said aloud to himself. He pulled on his jacket and set off on the little path that was south of her farm.

When he got on her property he surprised to see how much of the overgrowth she had cleared away already. He knew the farm was a mess when she came to town and he would even spend some of his alone time among the trees. As he approached the small farmhouse he could hear music and her singing along with it loudly. He laughed to himself as he listened to her terrible singing.

Shane walked up to the mailbox and shoved his letter in and turned to start his walk home. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but he was suddenly very interested in what she might be doing. He thought about knocking on her door, but realized he was very sweaty from the long walk up to her farmhouse and he wasn't ready to ruin impressions more than he already has.

He walked up to the window in front of her house and peered inside through the curtains. Inside she was putting fresh sheets on her bed, her music blaring through the window while she sang along. He watched for a moment and turned to leave back to Marnie's farm.

On the walk home, he struggled to understand why she made him feel happy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos, it makes me feel better about my writing. ;u;  
> Sorry about the delay, I just moved to two states away. Its been stressful.


	3. Dancing

Monday mornings were generally terrible for Shane, especially when rain was coming down in a soft drizzle. He hated being cold and wet, especially when he walked to work but today might have changed his outlook on rainy days.

Like most rainy days, he had his hood pulled over his head and was staring at his feet as he walked. He wouldn’t have noticed her if it hadn’t been for the soft splashing from each step she took through the puddles that littered the town square. He looked up at the bulletin board where she usually was and the way she looked stopped him in his tracks.

Despite it being a cold, rainy morning, she stood there in shorts, galoshes, and a rain jacket with the hood pulled over her head. His eyes moved slowly along her thigh high socks and he felt his heart jump a little. 

That small feeling alone was enough to give him a jolt and he stood up straighter, almost running past her but it was too late.

Stevie tugged on the sleeve of his jacket and he turned to look at her. She was smiling softly at him.

“Hey, Shane. Do you mind if I walk with you for a moment?”

He didn’t answer, just continued walking, hoping she didn’t notice the blush creeping across his face. She walked beside him, a little too close for his comfort. He wished that she wasn’t wearing that outfit right now.

“I just wanted to thank you for the recipe. I was learning how to cook shortly before I left the city. It’s a lot of fun. I don’t have a kitchen right now but I think I have enough material and money to get my house expanded today. Anyway, you should come over sometime this week and we can try the recipe. I’ll get us some beer and we can hang out.”

It took him a moment before Shane realized that Stevie was asking him to come over to her house. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at her right now, but he knew he wanted to go to her house. He knew he wanted to talk to her and spend time with her.

His voice came out weak and small, “uh… Sure. Just let me know when.”

He was glad that they were in front of Joja Mart now. He felt like his head was about to explode from all the blood rushing to his face.

“Alright, I’ll let you know later on. I’m glad you’re feeling better, by the way. Have a good day at work,” she beamed at him. She turned on her heel and started walking up to the mountain road, waving as she walked away. “I’ll let you know at the flower dance!”

_Shit. The flower dance…_

\-------

Shane stood where he always stood for the flower dance. By the punch bowl, next to the spicy food. No one ever asked him to dance except the Emily the first year he and Jas moved to town. He already made it clear to her that he had no intention of dancing with her, or anyone for that matter. He wasn’t some a social butterfly and he felt like a fool dancing.  
He was stuffing his face full of food when Stevie came up behind him.

“Hi, chickenboy,” she said with a smile.

He whipped around, startled by the sudden sound of her voice. He still had his food stuffed with food.

“Oh, hey. The sauce is excellent, the green stuff is really spicy!” He swallowed and cleared his throat.

“That’s great, I’ll have to try some soon. Here. Wash it down this some of this.” She pulled out a flash from inside her vest and opened it. He took a hefty swig, but only after making sure Jas and Marnie weren’t looking at him. He sputtered a little in disgust and shook his head. “Wow, that’s some strong whiskey.”

“I know right. Uhm, can I ask you something?” She asked a little shyly as she put the flask back in her vest pocket.

“…Yes?”

“Well uh, I was wondering if you would like to dance with me. I mean, you don’t have to, it’s just that I used to go out dancing and I kind of miss it and you’re kind of my clos-,” she went on rambling before she noticed Shane smirking at her.

“You want to be my dance partner? I’d be happy to. I’m looking forward to it,” he said over her rambling. 

“Oh! Great, I-I’ll see you in a few minutes then. I just want to say hi to everyone,” she walked past him and began chatting with the other villagers.

 _I’m looking forward to it???”_ Shane thought to himself realizing what he just did. _Who even are you? Shane doesn’t dance._

He looked sheepishly over to Emily who was standing by Clint. She was grinning at him with a thumbs up. He turned around, his face bright red. He really wished Stevie left her flask with him as the anxiety of dancing in front of everyone grew.

He felt Jas tugging on his jacket. “Shane? Did the farmer girl ask you to dance? Did you say yes?”

“Yeah, she asked me. A-and I guess I did.”

Jas’s eyes widened when she heard the answer and she bolted to tell Marnie about how her godfather was actually going to dance with someone this year.

It felt like seconds before the mayor was calling the couples to dance. He could feel his heart racing as he stood across from Stevie. He forgot all the steps, but she didn’t know any of them. It made him feel much better to watch her struggle to keep up with the others. As he got closer to her, he realized how petite she was, even compared to him. He wondered how she could do all that farm work on her own and he wondered if she needed help. The dance was soon over and all the other couples came in to dance and enjoy the festivities.

“Oh god, that was a mistake. I’m terrible at line dancing,” she said as they two-stepped to a country song. They could both do that at least. 

“Yeah, that was pretty bad. But at least we were bad together… Sorry.” He stepped on her feet every few steps. He was rusty.

“I suppose so. Oh right, my house should be done tomorrow evening. I was thinking we could hang out on Friday evening? That way I can get all the ingredients,” she said, trying to follow his messy lead.

“That sounds good. I can bring the beer since you brought me some. What do you like?” 

“I like IPAs.”

“Ok, sounds like a plan.”

Shane was surprised how easy she made today. How easy it was to let himself go when she was around. He hadn’t felt like this since his best friends were still alive. He still wasn't excited to hear Marnie talk about this incident for the next few days.


	4. Drown and Float Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday night is here and it doesn't go entirely as planned.

On Friday, it was drizzling all day. By the time Shane left work, the approaching summer heat had made the town almost unbearably humid. Everything felt sticky and it was almost hard to breathe as he made his way over to Pierre’s to grab the beer he promised he would bring to Stevie’s tonight.

After getting the 12-pack, he walked down to Marnie’s house and hopped into the shower. Marnie was waiting for him in the kitchen when he got out.

“Who are you getting all washed up for?”

Shane stopped in his tracks with the towel on his head.

“Oh, uh the farmer wanted me to go to her house for dinner tonight. I owe her beer anyway.”

“You owe her for your birthday present?”

He grunted at her, not knowing what else to say and went into his room. He threw on an old band t-shirt, his hoodie, and some new shorts before he slipped out of the door and to the south entrance of her farm. To his delight, it was still raining and that meant he wouldn’t be sweaty when he arrived.

When he got to her door, he was huffing. The 12-pack was heavy and it was a long walk uphill, and unsurprisingly, he was very out of shape. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.

“Hello, Shane! Thank goodness, I thought you were another unexpected guest, I thought I would have to make a grocery run,” she said with a small laugh. She moved out of the way and allowed him into her small, one bedroom house. It was quaint and cute and already decorated with some secondhand furniture and band posters that he assumed that she brought from her old place. The house smelled wonderful from the buns that were cooking in the oven.

Shane didn’t expect to see Haley and her sister sitting at her dining room table and he felt his heart drop at the sight of them.

“Hi, Shane! I was just stopping by to thank Stevie for all the gifts she’s given me and Haley and the smell in here told me I just had to stay and try her cooking,” Emily exclaimed eagerly.

Haley on the other hand looked at him with contempt and turned to look out the window.

Shane despised that look, he hated that all the other people that lived in their small town were so judgmental of him. Especially after hearing Emily tell him that Haley spent all day doing nothing while Emily worked her ass off to provide for them. Haley doesn’t even do chores for her sister. At least Shane could take care of himself, despite his alcoholism and at least he could take care of his goddaughter. He brushed her off for now as he sat down at an open space at the small table, setting the beer down beside him.

“Hi, Em. Shouldn’t you be at work? The saloon is probably busy.” It was hard for him to hide the bitterness from the disappointment that they were here as well. Even though he liked Emily more than the other people in town, he still felt like four was a crowd.

“Well, yeah. But I called Gus and told him everything and he said I can come in if I bring him a serving,” she said with a smile.

Stevie walked in shortly behind Shane and opened the oven where the buns were cooking.

“Oh, good they should be done soon. I should get started on the rest of the meal,” she said to herself. She turned around and put her apron on.

“Make yourself at home, Shane. What’s mine is yours,” she said as she pulled a bowl out of the fridge and some prepared veggies. “Open one of those beers for me, would you?”  
He didn’t process a word she said, he was too busy staring at her in her jeans and apron. She was like a domestic goddess.

 _Domestic goddess? Where did that even come from?_ He thought just as Emily cleared her throat. She was smiling at him, knowing exactly what was happening in his mind.  
“Oh… Oh, yeah!” He scrambled to open her a beer and set it in front of her.

 

While she cooked, Shane and Emily made small talk. Haley was mostly silent, obviously not so happy about Shane being in the same room as her.

“Oh snap, you should probably make mine to go,” Emily said, looking at the clock. “I really have to get to work.”

“Mine, too. I have… _other_ things to do,” Haley said with a sour look on her face.

“O-oh. Yeah, I can do that. Just make sure to eat it right when you get there. It won’t be as good cold!” Stevie replied. She plated the three to-go meals first, and walked them out the door. It was no longer raining, to their delight.

“I hope you guys have a good walk, let me know when you get home!” She waved at them as they hurried down the dirt road into town.

“Well, that was unexpected,” Shane said as he tried to hide his excitement and relief.

“Yeah, haha.” She walked over with their freshly cooked food and set the plates across from each other at the table. “Okay, what I made for us tonight is seared rosemary lamb chops, roasted carrots, and that strange bun thing you sent me. I thought I’d try to go French since it has snails in it. Beer, please.” She plopped down in front of him, looking proud of her meal.

“Wow… I didn’t think you were going to make a whole meal,” he said as he set down a fresh beer in front of her. “I was just expecting some buns and beers.” He was blushing a little at the effort that she put into this.

Before they knew it, a few hours had passed and their food was gone. They sat across from each other at the small table. Shane, 3 beers in and almost drunk, was finally talking more and feeling more relaxed around her.

“Ugh, I HATE working at Joja. Morris is trying to work me to death, I swear. But I have to do it for Jas, I have to make sure she’s fed and she has her tutoring,” he said as he stared into the beer bottle in front of him.

“I know how you feel. About working for Joja, at least. It was causing problems for my mental health so I decided to move out here and make an honest living. I can’t imagine how hard it is to raise a child though. I’m glad you have Marnie to help you, too,” she said as stood up to put their dishes in the sink.

“Yeah. I am, too. I don’t know if I would be able to do it without her,” he said.

After their fourth beer, they were both drunk and trying to warm up in front of the fireplace. Stevie had put some of her favorite music on while they talked.

“-And so, he was an ass for trying to make me do that for him in the first place! It’s not like he was even attractive to me in the first place. It was absolutely ridiculous,” she ranted on. She and Shane had spent the last half hour talking about all their awkward pasts.

“Yeah, that’s terrible. You’re too good for anyone, anyway,” he said, too drunk to realize what he was saying. Somewhere in the back of his head, his sober self was screaming for him to stop.

“Oh, pshaw, I’m nothing special… But he was just a creep. He hit on every girl he saw, in all honesty. He hit on my friend later that night too.”

“You’re definitely special. With your cooking skills, and your taste in music and beer, I think you’re fantastic,” he said, slurring a bit more now.

“Oh, Shane. You flatter me,” she said as some pink crept across her cheeks.

“I’m dead serious, though. I’m just small, insignificant really. I can’t cook or do anything special anymore. I used to play guitar and do sports, but I forgot all that long ago. I’m not even good at taking care of Jas,” he looked down and finished his fifth beer and reached for another one. He stared into the flames of the fireplace, silent now.

Stevie who was now laying on her stomach looked up at him with a worried face. “I’m sure you’re a great godfather. And I’m sure there’s a lot of things you’re good at. Sometimes these things are hard to see when you’re depressed,” she said as she grabbed the last beer in the pack and opened it. She took a good slam from it and sighed.

Shane clammed up after that. Although, he did enjoy listening to her talk about how she wanted to get livestock soon and start working towards making her own cheese, wine, and beer. 

It was half past eleven when they both finished their sixth and final beers. Shane stood up and stumbled a bit, catching himself on the wall. The drunk had made him sad, and the depression was telling him that he wasn’t even good enough to be in the same room as someone with as much strength and potential as Stevie.

“L-Listen, I should probably get home. I don’t want to get locked out of the house in the rain,” he said his speech much slurred now.

“Oh wait, you can stay here, if you want. You can use the couch, it cold out, and raining again,” she said, getting up as well and grabbing his arm.

“Don’t touch me…” He forced his arm out of her grip and stumbled into the wall. “Just let me go home.”

Stevie stared at him, a little shocked after they had such a great night together. “O-okay…”

Shane turned away from her and walked out her door, not even saying goodbye. As he walked down the muddy, wet path down to Marnie’s, tears welled up in his eyes and he felt a knot in his throat. When he got home, he stumbled into his room and threw himself onto his bed, crying into his pillow.

 _I’m so stupid. I can’t be friends with her. I can’t be around her. She’s too good for me. I’ll ruin everything for her just like I did with them… I ruin everything I touch,_ he thought. He rolled himself out of bed and pulled a 6-pack from underneath his bed.

All that mattered to him at that moment was drowning his demons and forgetting that this night had ever happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he needs more friends, poor guy.


	5. Bathing You Clean

Cold water cascaded down his face and forced him to wake from his dreamless slumber. He jolted up and looked up at the two women standing in his room. There were empty beer cans scattered around him and he was still drunk, nauseated, and he could smell vomit somewhere nearby. He groaned when he noticed that one of those concerned women was the farmer.

“Shane! what is the matter with you? All you do anymore is mope around your room and drink beer…” Marnie looked down on him with frustration and a peppering of angry. She wanted this to stop, she wanted him to get better but from what she would see, he had no intention of getting better.

“You wouldn’t understand…” He grumbled as he looked down at the floor, trying his best to ignore the fact that the farmer was there and she saw him like this.

“Well, what’s your plan? I’m worried, Shane. Don’t you ever think about your future?” Marnie sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation.

“Plan? Hah. Hopefully I won’t be around long enough to need a ‘plan,’” his voice got quieter as he turned away, unable to face the two women.

Jas, who was hiding behind Marnie, gripping her skirt ran out of the room sobbing.

Shane didn’t turn around, only collapsed back down to his knees. “Jas… I’m sorry…” He was letting out sobs of his own now, hiding his face from the farmer who stood beside him, shocked at what she had just witnessed.

Stevie knelt beside him and rested her hand on his back softly and gave it a tender touch. “Shane…?”

“GET AWAY FROM ME. I’LL RUIN YOUR LIFE TOO.” He slapped her hand away and continued to sob into his hands, knowing that he was doing it again… Pushing another person away that cared about him.

Stevie jumped back a little, a couple of tears falling from her eyes and onto the carpet beside him. She quickly wiped them away and stood back up.

“If that’s what you want, Shane. I really want to be your friend,” she said as she walked towards the door. “I thought you wanted to be friends with me too…”

Relief and disappointment welled up inside his chest simultaneously. He wanted to be helped, especially by her, but he couldn’t handle letting her see him so broken and pathetic. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this, but now the people that mattered most had witnessed him at nearly rock bottom.

\--------------

Shane woke up in the late afternoon, his mouth was dry and sticky from the dehydration. He didn’t really remember much of last night, only bits and pieces although he preferred it would be nothing at all. Ignoring his headache and memories of this morning he rolled himself out of bed and started walking towards the door. He halted when he felt something crunch beneath his feet.

Through sore swollen eyes he looked down at the package left for him. It looked like it was forced under his door with some effort. He tore open the bubble wrapped envelope and struggled to read the letter through the tears that welled up in his eyes.

_Hey Shane,_  
_I hope you’re feeling better. I know you don’t want me to be around you anymore, but I know what you’re going through. I spent most of my life battling my demons. Just know that I’ll be here a while and if you ever need any help just let me know. I made a CD for you. It just has some of the songs that helped me through hard times. I hope they’ll do the same for you._  
_Stevie_

Shane wiped his tears from his eyes and sniffled. He pulled the CD case out of the package and looked at the hand drawn cover art on the front.

_It’s me… With a chicken body… Even her art skills are amazing. Stupid but amazing._ He couldn’t help but let out a little laugh through the tears. He set the case down on the stand next to his table and continued to get water.

Thankfully, there was no one home but he couldn’t help but think of what happened this morning. How would he make it up to Jas? Why did he have to say such terrible things in front of her? What the hell was wrong with him?

His anxious mind continued beating him up while his body went on autopilot and cleaned the beer cans off his floor. He only snapped back into his body when he found the puddle of vomit that narrowly missed the wastebasket in the corner of his room. The smell immediately made him wretch. He made it into the trash can this time.

After he cleaned up his room he sat on his bed and stared at the floor. Moments later he heard Marnie close the front door. He wasn’t surprised when she walked into his room unannounced.

“Shane. We need to talk,” she said, sitting down on the bed next to him. “You can’t do this to us anymore. You can’t do this to Jas. That little girl looks up to you like you’re her real father.”

“I know,” he whispered, his tears falling in large droplets onto his floor. “It’s just so hard…” His face fell into his hands. He was defeated and tired of this, tired of himself.

Marnie stood back up and rested her hand on his shoulder. “I know it is, my dear. But try, at least for her.”

“Where is she?” He noticed that it was now pitch black outside and there was so way she should be out this late.

“The farmer said she could watch her for the night. They both like cartoons, apparently. You know, Stevie cares ab-,“ Shane cut her off.

“I know. She reminded me herself,” he snapped at her. He softened quickly after that. “I’m glad she’s with her though. She’s a good person.”

“She really is. Get some rest now, Shane. Jas will be home early and I know she’ll want to see you and make sure you’re ok,” Marnie said with a smile. She walked out the door, turning off the light behind her.

Shane fell onto his bed, staring at the CD that the farmer made for him.

_I have to make it up to her too,_ he thought as he drifted back to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's such a mess and I love him


	6. Best Friend

The next few days leading into summer were almost unbearably ordinary. The humidity got worse and Shane found himself trying to beat the early morning heat on his way to work. Because of this, he never seemed to see Stevie anymore. He wasn’t sure how he would make it up to get after what happened. Pushing people away has just been part of Shane’s personality ever since he was a misunderstood teenage metalhead.

After work he went and stood at his usual corner at the pub. Emily seemed quiet today, he assumed that Stevie told her what happened. He didn’t bother saying anything other than “the usual” to her at the bar. He stood and stared into his glass, watching the bubbles crawl up the sides of the glass. The only time he looked up was when the door of the pub opened.

Finally, she walked through the door. It was 9 in the evening and she looked like shit. He ponytail was matted and mud and dirt caked the knees of her jeans and parts of her face. She must’ve been working in the fields today. Shane wished he could’ve helped her, that would be a great way to make it all up to her.

It may have been the beers in his belly that were now going to his head, but something told him to talk to her. He walked over and sat down next to her. She gave him a weary smile and he returned the gesture with a small smirk.

“You look like you’ve had a long day, can I buy you a beer?” He looked at her sheepishly. He was a bit low on cash, but he thought it was the least he could do.

“Yeah, that sounds great,” she said. She raised her hand to Emily, who came bounding over with what seemed like a thousand years of pent up energy.

“Stevie!!! We were worried that something happened to you! Especially when you never got back to us after that night. Even Clint said you haven’t been coming in with any geodes. Are you okay? You look like you started on your summer crops today. What are you farming?” Emily took a deep breath after he last question and looked at Stevie eagerly.

“Oh, haha. Yeah, I’m ok. Just spending a lot of time on the farm, trying to get it cleaned up and renovated. I got a coop up, finally. But yeah, I just finished up getting all my summer crops sorted out. I got a little of everything. Mostly blueberries though,” she said in a sleepy voice.

Shane watched as they continued their small talk. He admired Stevie’s patience. Even through her exhaustion she could show a friendly face to her friends. He wasn’t even part of the conversation and he was starting to get annoyed with Emily. Or was it the fact that she took away from their alone time that bothered him?

“Anyway, what can I get for you, Stevie?”

“Two glasses of barley wine, on me,” Shane cut in. It was a pricey drink, but a lot stronger and more bitter. He knew it was right up Stevie’s alley.

“Oh! You got it,” Emily replied. She poured the two drinks and set it in front of them. Thankfully, before she was able to start talking again, Gus called her over.

Shane didn’t look at Stevie, he just wrapped his hands around the glass and stared down into it again, trying to think of what to say.

“Listen, I wanted to apologize for what happened at Marnie’s. I’m not very good at letting people close to me. I guess I feel like it’s just easier to be alone than to be a burden to the people I care about,” he took a sip from the glass as he finished and made a sour face. He preferred a lighter tasting pilsner.

“That’s ok. I understand, but I hope you can see someday that you aren’t a burden to me, or Jas and Marnie.” She leaned on her hand and stared at Shane, who glanced over at her shyly. A light shade of pink swept over his face.

“I-I’m glad you came here tonight. I was worried I wouldn’t have the chance to apologize. And thanks for the CD, I liked a lot of the music on there and it did make me feel a lot better.” He turned to her as she was finishing her beer.

“I’m glad too, Shane. Thanks for the wine, it hit the spot. Bitter and piney, just how I like it. I just wanted to stop in for a beer, I should probably head home though. I’m incredibly tired,” she said with a stretch. She got up and patted Shane on the shoulder. “I’ll see you soon, chicken boy.”

“W-wait,” he pushed the bar stool out from underneath him. “I should probably head home too. Maybe I could walk you home, it’s a nice night.”

Although Shane didn’t know this, Stevie didn’t turn around because the thought of being alone with him again made her shy and flustered. “Sure, come on,” she said as she opened the door and walked through.

Shane quickly slammed his beer and ran out after her, doing his best to ignore the all-knowing looks of Emily and Gus. When he stepped out into the warm summer air, he saw her standing underneath the saloon sign lighting a cigarette. They both started walking.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” Shane said. In all honesty, he enjoyed the smell of tobacco smoke. It felt warm and inviting to him, like before his parents’ marriage before all the fighting and harsh words.

“Yeah, only sometimes though. I used to smoke a lot but I cut down a lot. I can’t get so winded when I work on the farm,” she said, taking another deep drag. “Rolling my own helps a lot, though. They’re stronger and it takes effort.”

They both laughed a little at that and continued their small talk until they reached her house. They stood in front of her door. Stevie unexpectedly wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Shane. You’re probably my best friend. You have a good night,” she voice was warm and soft. She let go of him and opened the door and stepped inside. Shane was frozen in his tracks, and he couldn’t even think of a single thing to say. When he heard her door close, he came back to reality and started walking down the dark path to his lonely room.

_She doesn’t like me like that. It was just a friendly kiss. Why would she like some ugly, fat, 29-year-old like me?_

Shane spent most of the night tossing and turning in his bed, unable to concentrate and unable to sleep but somehow, that seemed better that the incessant nightmares that plagued him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a short little filler. i've been busy as heck.


	7. Things We Have in Common

After a long week of week of low wages and hard work, Shane finally had a day off. He spent the day sitting in Marnie’s kitchen, trying his best to clear his mind for at least a few minutes. The last time he saw Stevie, she kissed him on the cheek and he couldn’t think about much other than her. He simultaneous hoped she would come visit him at the bar or at home, but it didn’t happen. That worried him more. It had been half a decade since he came remotely close to flirting with anyone, and he didn’t remember the rules. Should he have gone back the next day? What if she wasn’t flirting with him?

She probably wasn’t flirting with me, he thought, staring into the cup of coffee in front of him.

He heard the front door open, and he swung around in his seat. There she was again, standing tall and confident. She went straight to the counter and leaned over.

“Hey, Marnie! I’m here to buy some chickens, I just got everything ready for them this morning.”

Jealousy welled up inside of him. He wanted her to be there for him, not a bunch of chickens. If she were there for him, he would give her all the chickens in the world.

Stevie turned and looked at him, she stifled a laugh and walked over to him. “Hi, Shane. Sorry, I’m excited about getting my first livestock.” He braced himself for the hug she bestowed upon him, he held his breath, trying to hide his excitement.

“I don’t know why you’re apologizing.”

“Mm-hm… Come outside with me while Marnie gets the chicks ready to head to their new home. I have something cool to show you!”

Reluctantly, he pulled himself out of his seat and followed Stevie outside.

“I saved up enough to get a horse! His name is Sleipnir, like the one from Norse mythology. His white coat is just so beautiful, he looks like straight out of a fantasy,” Stevie grinned at him with pride as she hugged the large horse around the neck.

Shane stared at the horse in amazement. It really did look like a horse from a fantasy movie. His coat almost seemed to Shine like silver in the morning sun and he stood tall and proud. Shane gave the Sleipnir a pat on his neck, “he’s absolutely gorgeous.”

Jas came wandering over to them, and hid behind Shane, grabbing onto his jacket. He smiled down at her and ruffled her hair. “Hey kiddo, Stevie got a new horse. Do you want to pet Snake-pier?”

“Sleipnir,” Stevie repeated.

“Right,” he said as he picked up Jas and held her closer to the horse.

“Here, why don’t you feed him one of these, I hear they like them a lot,” Stevie pulled a couple of peppermints out of her bag and handed them to Jas. Sleipnir pushed his nose into Jas’s hand, trying to get to the candy she held. The innocence of animals and children never ceased to amaze Shane who let out a soft chuckle.

“Shane,” Marnie called from the house. “Why don’t you take these chicks to Stevie’s new coop? I think you can use some fresh air and I know the chicks are very fond of you.”  
“That sounds like a great idea. Jas can come too, if she wants. She can ride on here with me,” she said with a smile. 

Jas gasped in excitement, “can I, Shane!? I’ve always wanted to ride a horse!”

Shane was a taken aback by Jas asking for permission. He often forgot that he was deemed her guardian after her parents had passed away. Jas was very independent for her age and didn’t seem to need any help getting by on her own. Sometimes, he even forgot that she was a child and not some miniature sized adult with cute pigtails.

“Oh, yeah sure. You have to be on your best behavior, though. Be mindful of the farmer’s crops,” he said, striking a more adult tone. Stevie turned away to stifle another laugh.

On the way up to the farm, Shane walked alongside the horse, staring down at the chicks that were chirping excitedly at him. It seemed that Stevie didn’t hear Marnie’s comment about the chickens to his relief. He wasn’t sure why, but the fact that he was great with animals embarrassed him immensely.

They got to the farmhouse and Stevie helped Jas down from the horse. She immediately ran over to the cat that was sleeping on the steps to the porch and began petting it. “You have such a beautiful farm, Stevie!”

“You really do,” Shane said, admiring all the neatly planted crops and the small coop with a fence and feeding area. He was glad the chickens would be good hands.

“Aw, thanks guys. Shane, why don’t we go get the chicks settled into their new home?” She started walking over to the coop, motioning for Shane to follow.

“So, do you think this is good enough for them? I hope I set it up okay, I’ve never had chickens before. I’ve had a million other animals but never farm animals,” she said, looking up at him.  
Shane looked down and suddenly became aware of their height difference. He was short, but she was even shorter.

“Perfect… I-I mean it’s perfect. It’s set up perfectly for them. Just make sure you get them a heater before winter comes. One should keep the coop warm. And don’t forget to close their door every night. Wild dogs might get to them.” Shane knelt and set the chicks down into their new home. He watched as they gathered at his knees, chirping excitedly at him.

“Wow, Marnie was right. You’re quite the chick magnet,” she said as she leaned against the wall and watched him.

Shane turned away from her, his face now a striking scarlet from pure embarrassment. He had really hoped she hadn’t heard that and her stupid jokes made it even worse for him. “Oh, shut up,” he mumbled, trying to regain his composure. “I just think animals make better company than people. Most people, at least.”

“Well, I hope I’m one of the few,” she said. She opened the door for the chicks, who promptly ran outside. “We should probably take Jas home. Do you want to grab a beer? It’s on me.”

She read his mind, she seemed to have a knack for that.

After dropping off Jas back at Marnie’s ranch, Shane rode with awkwardly with Stevie. He didn’t expect to be riding on Sleipnir with her, especially this close. He could smell her hair, which smelled like sandalwood and a bit like a campfire. It was so inviting and yet, it made his stomach turn with anxiety.

Upon arrival, the both hopped off the horse and stepped into the familiar saloon. This time they sat across from each other at the table. Emily was there in a flash, as usual.

“What can I get for you two lovebirds?” Emily chimed in between them, immediately assuming the two were finally on a date.

Stevie laughed nervously, “not now, Em.” She shot her a quick but stern look. “I’ll have a gin and tonic, make it a double.”

Shane didn’t look at her, just stared at the table. “The usual.”

“Oh, ok. I’ll have that right out for ya!” She hurried away to make their drinks, still watching them from the bar.

The realization that this seemed like a date hit the both of them. Shane leaned into hand and looked up at Stevie nervously.

“So, we’re into the same kind of music?” She said sheepishly, now regretting her seating choice.

“Yeah, I guess we are,” he chuckled nervously and ran his fingers through his hair. “I used to be in a hardcore band a few years ago. Back when hardcore was still a thing. I don’t really play guitar anymore, though. I’ve forgotten how.” It felt like he was rambling to fill the silence.

“That’s really great. I play sometimes, still. It’s hard to find time with all my responsibilities here, though. I was in a grunge band, but I played bass in that one. It was a lot of fun but we had too many differences.” Emily set their drinks in front of them.

“Thanks,” Shane replied, taking a deep and much needed drink of his beer. He watched as Stevie did the same with her tall glass of gin and tonic. 

With a slight tremble in his voice, Shane’s heart defied his head and spoke for him, “we should really play together sometime, I’m sure I could learn again. Plus, you’re the one person in this town that really gets me. I think we’d play great together”

The heat rose to Stevie’s face immediately and she quickly pulled up her glass to finish it off. “That sounds like a lot of fun. Just let me know if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable this time.”

Shane grunted. All the feelings of regret and embarrassment came flooding back in that moment. He turned away and stared at the fire.

“Sorry…”

“No, I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

They sat in silence for a few moments while Stevie waited for Shane to finish his drink.

“I need to get home, I have some cleaning and chores to do, unfortunately,” she said, getting up from her seat and stretching a little. “Do you want a ride home?”

“No, I was actually planning on heading over here anyway. Thanks.”

“Alright, I’ll see you soon I hope,” she said softly as she wrapped her arms around him in a farewell hug.

“Yeah,” he said. They walked opposite ways and he heard Emily telling Stevie to call her as she left. His anxiety melted away as he stood back in his secluded corner.

“Keep ‘em coming, Em.”

\-------

Stevie was outside sitting by the campfire and playing guitar late at night when she saw a figure approaching her farm. She continued playing and humming, mindful of the fact that there was a sword next to her if she needed it. The figure wandered into the warm light of the fire, it was Shane and he was absolutely smashed. Stevie set her guitar down and hurried over to him.  
“Shane, are you ok?” He stumbled and fell into her. She kept him steady as she walked him over to a chair. He fell into it almost knocking the chair back down to the floor.

“I’m *burp* fine,” his words were meshed into one constant syllable. “I just wanted to see my good friend before the shithouse goes up in flames.”

Stevie replaced his booze with a bottle of fresh water. He hardly noticed as he took a large swig of the water. She took just as big of a swig of the liquor she confiscated from him with a little shiver. It was bourbon.

“What do you mean by that?” She asked, pulling a seat up next to him.

“My life is a shithouse. I’m just spiraling down and there’s not SHIT I can do about it, that anyone can do about it. My best friends are dead, I’m a terrible godfather to Jas and I just keep making it worse. I don’t know how to talk to anyone, I don’t even know how to talk to you now. I just keep fucking it all up,” he leaned forward and put his face in his hands. Stevie watched as teardrops darkened the earth in front of him. “Everything is wrong...”

Stevie rested her hand on his back and rubbed it tenderly. “You’ve had bad things happen in your life, but that doesn’t make you bad and it doesn’t mean you can't make things better,” she said softly.

“What do you know…? You’re attractive, successful, and people like you. You’re not a shitty alcoholic with no life.”

“I wasn't before I moved here. I was working at a shitty office job with shitty people. My parents don’t talk to me, and all my friends were only my friends because we all had addiction in common. I wasn’t even just an alcoholic, I was a substance abuser in general. You’re not alone in this, I’m here to help you too.”

A tear ran down her cheek and fell beside Shane’s. She wiped her eyes and stood up beside him. “Let’s go inside so you can get some rest. I’ll make you some pizza rolls.”  
Shane leaned over and hugged her legs, letting out a few sobs. With a soft touch, Stevie ran her fingers through his hair. Without a word, he let go of her and wobbled to his feet. He wiped his eyes and sniffled as he followed her into her house. 

Stevie had laid him down in her own bed and hurried to make some food for him and put out the fire. When she returned with food and water, Shane had already fallen asleep. To avoid potential life threatening situations, she laid Shane on his side and crawled in beside him. The beginning of a rainstorm tapped at the windows and lulled her to sleep as she watched his sleeping face lit by the soft light of the fireplace.


	8. Help

When Shane’s eyes fluttered open, it was still dark out. The cold morning light was barely creeping through the thick rainclouds outside and the only source of light was the hearth where the embers glowed softly. He rubbed his eyes and looked around, and noticed the girl sleeping beside him, curled up close to him. The last thing he remembered from the night before was snatching the bottle of whiskey from Gus’s bar and hiding to drink alone.

_Fuck, I’m such an idiot…_

It was a quick decision for him to abandon all hope of fixing things in this town, fixing whatever happened with Stevie the night before. Shane was sick of everyone cleaning up after him and he was sick of seeing pity in their eyes. He felt scrutinized and he was done with it.

With a swift motion, he slid out of the bed and walked out the door, trying his hardest to remain as quiet as possible.

As he hurried back down to Marnie’s farm his head throbbed and screamed for relief. He knew what would fix that. He stumbled a little into his room, still a little drunk from the night before and grabbed a large case of beer from his closet. He hauled it down to the cliffs with more determination than he’s ever felt in his entire life.

Once there, he opened a can and sat with his legs dangling off the edge, watching the waves crash against the cliffs violently. He began drinking. He didn’t even know how many drinks in he was before he threw up in the bushes nearby.

_It’s too late to turn back now,_ he thought. 

As he turned around to grab another beer, his foot slipped in the mud and he fell to the ground. His eyes welled up with tears again and he let out a few defeated sobs before laying silently and staring at the edge of the cliff.

At that moment, he heard someone approaching. He hoped to Yoba it wasn’t Jas as he lifted his head to look where the sound was coming from.

“Stevie?” She ran over to him. “I-I’m sorry…” He hiccupped through the sobs. Even though he didn’t want to speak, the words started pouring out of him while he curled up on the cold, wet ground.

“M-my life… It’s a pathetic joke… Why do I even try? I’m too small and stupid to- *sniff* to take control of my life… I’m just a piece of soiled garbage flittering in the wind…”

He let out a burp and swallowed the knot in his throat. Stevie sat beside him now, tears falling from her eyes as well as she listened to him. She reached out her hand but hesitated to touch him.

“Here’s a chance to finally take control on my life… These cliffs… But I’m too scared and anxious as usual.”

He flinched at the feeling of her hand on his shoulder.

“S-Stevie… All I do is work and drink to dull the feelings of self-hatred. Why should I even go on? Give me one good reason I shouldn’t just roll off these cliffs right now…”

Stevie tightened her grip on his shoulder a little and he could feel her shaking slightly.

“I… That’s something you have to find for yourself. Just- I-…” He voice was quivering and cracking and he felt her grab onto his jacket. “I’ll always be here for you, Shane.”  
They both sat in silence as the rain fell around them in thick, heavy drops. They were both soaked and cold. Shane started to feel his consciousness weaving in and out.

“Stevie… I think you need to take me to the hospital…”

Stevie didn’t hesitate a second before she stood up and pulled Shane’s arm around her shoulder to support him. He forgot that she was a farmer and she was much stronger than he was as she basically carried him to Harvey’s clinic in the pouring rain.

\-----

Shane didn’t remember much after they had gotten into town square earlier that day. He remembered the muffled conversation between Dr. Harvey and a sobbing Stevie and he remembered vomiting everything that was in his stomach. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel too bad. Physically, at least. His mind was a hellscape as he thought about everything that happened. He pulled the sheets over his nose and closed his eyes. All he could think about was Stevie and how he hurt her.

_I keep making her cry…_

When he opened his eyes, it was bright all around him. The fluorescence made him squint his eyes as he looked around the room. Harvey was standing nearby, reading his charts.  
“Oh, Shane. You’re awake. 

Shane rubbed his eyes and sat up. “Guess so…”

“Not a morning person? How are you feeling today? Any nausea? Dizziness? Pain?”

“No, doc. Well, a little bit of a headache.”

“Some food will clear that up. My nurse is preparing food for you as we speak.”

Harvey pulled up a chair and set his clipboard down on the night stand. He rested his hands in his lap and looked Shane dead on. He knew exactly what was coming.

“I had a long talk with Stevie about the things you had told her. Your suicidal thoughts, thoughts of worthlessness, anxiety, anti-social behavior, etcetera. She’s very worried about you, Shane. She’s concerned for you and Jas, and people around you that would be affected if you took your own life. That is, everyone would be affected. That may be hard for you to believe, but you are a part of our town.”

Shane didn’t answer or look at him. He just stared at the patterns in the sheets, listening to every word he said. The voice in the back of his mind told him that Harvey was lying.

“Listen, Shane. Even if you don’t end your life by jumping off a cliff, your drinking will. All this heavy, constant drinking is taking a toll on your body. You’re only 29, but you look much older, much wearier. If you keep drinking like this, you’re going to die an early death. I don’t think Stevie, Marnie, or Jas would be very happy about that. Thankfully, its early enough for you to cut back on your drinking a lot without causing any concern for your physical health. I know a specialist in the city that can help you with your mental health. I’ve already arranged an appointment for you with your aunt’s help, but we’ll get to that later. Get some food in you and rest some more. Marnie will be here to get you this afternoon.”

Harvey stood up and turned around to leave.

“Ah, wait! I- I just wanted to say thank you.”

“Thank Stevie, she’s the one that carried you all the way over here. Without her, you might not have made it.”

Shane stayed quiet and looked at his hands, his face flushed with embarrassment as Harvey left the room. He could tell from the back of his head that Harvey was smirking.

Just then he saw Stevie turn the corner into his room with a concerned nurse following closely behind her.

“Ms. Stevie, it’s not visiting hours yet. I need you to got to waiting room until 9 am.”

“Like hell, I carried this man here on my shoulder. I’ll see him when I want to see him,” she shot a dirty look at Maru before turning to see that Shane was awake. Her face that was full of fury melted away to a face of elation and relief. Maru gave up and set Shane’s food down before leaving.

“Hey, St-,“ he barely got anything out before she had her arms around him. She held him tightly, tangling her fingers in his hair as she did so. Shane felt his heart beginning to pound as he held onto his arm. Her scent was so inviting and the memory of waking up next to her flashed through his mind. He wished that happened under better circumstances.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, Shane. I was so worried about you…” he felt her tears fall onto his head as he closed his eyes and relaxed his body.

She let go of him and wiped her tears away. She plopped down into the seat next to him and sighed, trying to regain her composure. Shane sat silently, trying to figure out what to say.  
“Uhm… Oh man, how do I say this… I’m sorry for what happened at the cliffs. I fucked up bad…”

Stevie looked up at him through teary eyes. 

“I’m just happy you’re still here.”

“Wow, was it that bad? I hardly remember any of it.”

He lied, but he wasn’t sure why. He knew that she wasn’t going to judge him either way.

“A-anyway. I’ve decided to see a therapist. Harvey said he’s set up an appointment for me in the city. I wanted to thank you for taking care of me… For saving my life. I’ve decided to take things more seriously from now on. I don’t want to be a burden on y- anyone… I’m sorry I caused you so much trouble.”

Shane stared down at his breakfast, not knowing where else to look. He felt Stevie’s rough, calloused hand rest on his before giving it a soft squeeze.

“Just get better, okay?”

Stevie stayed by his side for another couple of hours. She had brought him a basket of peppers that he ate with his breakfast. She talked about the new things she was learning about farming and how her chickens were doing. They seemed happy and he found himself grinning as she showed him pictures on her phone.

“The one I named Cluckster is staring to lose her down feathers already! I can’t wait to start getting some eggs, I love fresh eggs. I’ve been thinking of making mayonnaise too. Though, I’m not sure if I want to get too much livestock. I was thinking of brewing beer and making wine, honestly. Maybe I’ll dabble in some beekeeping too.”

Shane listened attentively as though they were her last words. It felt like they were old friends that hadn’t talked to each other in years. She made him feel comfortable, ready to face the world in that moment. He wanted to stay there with her forever, just talking about chickens and her plans for the future.

“Oh shit, what time is it? I had plans to go fishing today,” she said as she looked at the clock. “I better head to the beach so I can get a good catch.”

“Okay...” He was visibly disappointed about this. But he knew that fishing was part of her livelihood and he couldn’t impede her success.

“I’m sorry. Here, I’ll give you my number so you can text me while I’m down there. Or whenever you want.” Stevie pulled out a pen and paper from her bag and scribbled her number on it and handed it to him. He held it in his hand like a precious heirloom as Stevie pulled him into a close hug and kissed him tenderly on the cheek.

“Text me, chicken boy.”

“You got it, farmer.”

He watched her leave as he touched the rough stubble where she had kissed him.


	9. Currents

The summer heat was nearly unbearable in the concrete jungle of the city. Shane wished he could’ve just stayed in the therapist’s office where he has his first meeting with his new therapist. Even though it wasn’t necessarily a bad meeting, he felt like a bug under a microscope more than usual and that feeling made him more reclusive. All he could get out was how much he hated everyone in that small town. For the past hour, he listed off all the bad traits of everyone else in town while the doctor listened and took notes. Yet, he felt like there was a huge weight lifted off his shoulders.

“I’m done with my first appt,” he texted. He realized how rusty he was, he never texted anyone and he often wondered why he even paid his phone.

Shane walked down the sidewalk, absently window shopping as he made his way back to the bus stop. He stopped at a small boutique and grabbed a gift for Jas, she deserved something nice after having to deal with someone like her godfather. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to see that Stevie had texted back. He had her under “Farmer.”

“Oh great! How did it go? If you don’t mind me asking.”

He told her the basics and finished paying the shopkeeper before heading out to a nearby liquor store. For once, he wasn’t going for himself, but he figured that Stevie and Marnie deserved something nice too. 

Marnie was easy to stop for, he grabbed her a nice bottle of prosecco with a fancy looking wine cozy to dress it up.

For Stevie, he felt conflicted. He looked through all the beer and didn’t see anything interesting so he went over to the whiskey. He picked up a bottle of scotch and started reading over it before he decided that it was perfect for her. It just sounded as warm and sharp as her personality. He even grabbed a flask that he thought matched her personality and brought it all up to the counter.

He groaned a little when he saw the total of $80, but he decided it was all worth it. He handed over the credit card for this one and set off back to the quaint little valley that he called home.  
He found himself checking for a reply the whole ride home.

He never felt more relieved to be back in the village. He was worried about Stevie but Marnie had sent him a text to head right home when he got off the bus and he wasn’t ready to argue with the woman, she was scary when she got mad.

When he opened the door to the ranch, he saw Stevie and Marnie standing at the kitchen sink and Stevie was holding one of his birds in her arm. There were medical supplies strewn across the sink and it looked like blood on the gauze. He felt fear running through his spine.

Marnie turned around and smiled reassuringly at him.

“Shane! You’re home. I was doing a routine check up on the girls this morning and I saw that little Bella here had bumblefoot. I called the vet, but he had an emergency this morning so he wouldn’t be able to make it. Stevie had actually come over to drop off some gifts and I told her about it so she helped.”

“She helped? She doesn’t even know how to raise chickens…” He couldn’t help but look at her with confusion. She walked over to him, looking more pissed off at him than he had ever seen.  
“Excuse me. I may not know how to raise chickens, but I did go to veterinary school for four years. I know a couple of things about how to treat animal ailments. Besides, if you knew so much about chickens, you’d know it’s a fairly easy, if time consuming, procedure to do,” she stood close and looked up at him.

The way her eyes pierced through him made him feel fear, admiration, and attraction to her all at once.

“Okay, okay I’m sorry I didn’t know,” he said, with embarrassment.

“It’s fine… But you guys really need to check the barn for splinters and anything that can cause cuts. Of course, it could have happened randomly, but it’s just a safety measure. She should be fine around the other birds as long as her bandage is on. Just make sure you clean her up in a day or so. Keep the bandage on for at least 24 to 48 hours before you change the bandage though.”

Stevie handed the bird back to Marnie who let her out with the other birds in the coop.

“Oh, right. I got you something, aunt Marnie.”

He pulled out the dressed up bottle of prosecco and handed it to her with a smile.

“Wow, thank you Shane. This a great gift,” she said returning the smile and ruffling his hair like she used to when he was a child. “It’s nice to enjoy the finer things in life once in a while.”

“I got something for Jas too, but I’ll give it to her later. She must be out with Vincent and Penny,” he said to himself. He gripped the other bag and handed it to Stevie.

“Here. I thought I’d give you a better thank you gift, since you saved my life and all…”

Stevie pulled out the bottle and read it with a gentle smile.

“Thank you, Shane. How did you know I love scotch? And this flask is wonderful, it’ll be nice to have while I’m in the fields,” she laughed a little and pulled him into a hug.   
Shane could see Marnie’s sly smile over Stevie’s shoulder and he shot her a look before she turned to put her bottle in the fridge.

“Well, I better get home. Today has been a long day. I think I’ll crack into this bottle and relax,” she said as she gathered up all her medical supplies. “Marnie, let me know if Bella needs anymore help in the next few days. I’ll be happy to help.”

“Will do, my dear. Shane, walk the farmer home. I’ll get things cleaned up here. And I’ll make sure Jas doesn’t find your present. I’ll even wrap it up for you,” she said, taking the box into her hands. 

“O-oh… Alright. Ready to go, Stevie?” She nodded in response and they both headed out the door.

Shane was glad to be back in the valley. It was hot, but it wasn’t the same dry unbearable heat he felt in the city. They walked back up to the farm in silence, enjoying the sounds of the cicadas in the trees and the smell of the Earth. The farm was now cleared of all the debris, and there were large fields of tall grass where she didn’t have crops. He eyed the scarlet peppers that she dutifully brought him once a week.

Stevie opened her door and invited him.

“I’ll be right back, I just want to get out of these sweaty work clothes.”

“Okay.”

He tried his best to not acknowledge the fact that there was naked woman in the same house as him. He couldn’t remember the last time he was able to say that without that woman being Marnie. He wandered over to his stereo area and started flipping through the vinyl albums that she kept in a milk crate nearby. He saw some familiar ones, and some not so familiar ones. He pulled out an album at random and ran his fingers across the brightly colored cover.

_Wow this one is so cool…_

“You should put that on, it’s one of my favorite albums. It’s not metal, its psychedelic. I’m not sure if you’d like it.”

Shane jumped a little at the sudden sound of her voice and turned around. “I-I like psychedelic music sometimes. I really like the Doors. Though I guess they’re more bluesy,” he said. He placed the record onto the player and started playing it, he enjoyed the steady beat that it started with.

Stevie was pouring herself a glass of scotch as Shane walked over to her dining table and sat down.

“Do you want some? Or are you quitting altogether?”

“I’ll have a glass. I’m just trying to not get embarrassingly drunk anymore.”

“Sounds good, I’ll try not to let you get too drunk.”

She poured him a glass with a whiskey stone in it and smiled at him.

“What’s the name of this band? They sound really good,” he said, leaning back in the chair and taking a heavy drink of his whiskey.

“Tame Impala. They’re my favorite band right now. Well, one of them. Do you have a favorite band?”

“Me? Well, I guess. I really like Death Angel but I haven’t listened to them in years.”

“Really? I’m surprised you know thrash metal. That’s a band I grew up with." 

He suddenly felt old, even though he was only 7 years older than her.

“Yeah, my cousins were into it and it rubbed off on me.”

Stevie smiled at him as she took a liberal sip of the scotch and sighed.

This is what Shane liked about Stevie. Even though they were just making small talk, something he usually hated, she made it feel so natural and effortless. She made him feel like he could do anything effortlessly. He liked how she ignored her phone when she was around him. He liked her taste in music and the way she carried herself. He liked her taste in alcohol and the fact that she had a veterinary degree. He just liked her.

“So, you got a degree and you didn’t even tell me?”

“Well, I didn’t think it was such a big deal, to be honest. And I never got to use it, I thought it was a waste of time and money until I moved out here, honestly. Although I wanted to work with animals, the only job I could land in the city was with Joja, and that was hell for me.”

“Yeah, well I know Marnie could really use the help. Our usual vet lives a little far and he usually sees a lot of patients and can’t always make it out here. We’ve lost a few birds because of it.”

“I’ll be happy to help in any way I can. It’s wonderful having you guys as neighbors.”

Stevie poured more whiskey for the both of them and sat back, listening to the music and singing along gently. He leaned over and rested his chin in his hand, watching her. The fire in his belly stung as it pushed him to say something, do something. The dark cloud that loomed over him held him back once again.

“Shane, I’m really glad I met you. You’re a great guy,” she finished he glass and set it down, looking into his eyes. Her words were a little slurred now that she was two glasses in. “You’re my best friend.”

Shane felt the heat in his ears and cheeks. He averted his eyes as she stood up and walked over to him. His heart felt like it was going to jump right out of his throat as he stared at her bare legs. Her calloused fingers traced along his jaw to his chin and she pulled him into a tender kiss.

He held his breath even after she pulled away and gazed into his eyes.

The liquid courage finally kicked in and he stood up and pulled her into another deeper kiss. His fingers tangled into her wild hair and he tasted her soft, full lips. He pulled away and looked longingly into her eyes.

He realized what he had just done and the full weight of that kiss was now on his shoulders. This wasn’t how he wanted it, he didn’t want to be her drunk mistake. He swiftly walked past her and out the door heading as swiftly as he could back to Marnie’s farm. He could hear Stevie calling his name, but the anxiety was louder and it pushed him back to the safety of his lonely room. Once he closed the door of his room, he searched for his phone in his pockets frantically.

_Fuck, I left it at her house…_

He collapsed into his bed and stared at the wall, trying to process everything that just happened.

_She kissed me first. Does she like me? She was drunk, it probably meant nothing. But what if it did? You just fucked everything up if it did. You had your chance and you chickened out. She’s right, you are a chicken boy._

He pulled the sheets over his head to hide from the world and dozed off, hoping that he could sleep through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They were listening to Tame Impala - Currents.


	10. Godfather

Days had passed with no word from Stevie. She had returned his phone sometime that night, Marnie had found it in their mailbox in the morning. She must have sensed the tension and for once, she didn’t ask Shane about what had happened. Today was the Luau and he wondered if she would be there. The thought of seeing her made his guts twist and burn and he found himself unsure if he would ever be able to face her again. He couldn’t even bring himself to send her a text or give her a call to see if she was ok.

Shane stood by the hot pepper chutney like he usually did, but this time he ate slowly, glancing up the beach to the path that lead down from the town.

Everyone seemed to notice that Stevie wasn’t there. Emily was the first to ask him about her whereabouts, of course.

“I don’t know, Em. Why would I know?”

“I just thought you were close is all. I worry about her sometimes.”

Shane kept eating. He was surprised that the other town grump approached him. He was one of the young adults that Shane always thought were teens until he saw them drinking together at the bar. He pushed his choppy raven locks out of his face before he spoke.

“Hey, aren’t you Stevie’s boyfriend or whatever?”

“We’re just friends.”

“Oh… Have you seen her lately? She missed game night.”

Shane was surprised that she was friends with those kids. She seemed more mature, but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. They were all in the same age group and they probably had similar interests. To be honest, he probably had a lot in common too, but he never felt welcomed.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Tell her to IM me, she missed out on our campaign.”

“Sure.”

Shane sighed and put down his plate, he had lost his appetite. He wondered if other people perceived their relationship the same way. Maybe he was the only one that didn’t see it that way. Why didn’t she date someone her own age? That kid with the black hair was handsome and it already seemed like they had a lot in common.

He looked down at his beer belly and thought about the height differences he had against the other singles that lived in Pelican Town. He compared all his traits and let out a grunt. Why did she kiss him? Is she not confident enough to find someone better?

Emily screamed suddenly and it caused Shane to whip his head around. Somehow he knew that meant Stevie was there.

“You look so different! I love your hair! I can’t believe you cut so much off! And that color looks so good on you.”

“Hehe, thanks Em. I’m sorry I couldn’t get back to you. My phone died while I was in the city and I didn’t have my charger.”

Finally, Emily moved out of the way and Shane felt heat rise to his face when he saw her new look. Her hair was cut in a bob and colored a deep forest green. Somehow it made her three million times cuter. He watched as she went over to Sebastian and gave him a hug and talked with him for a moment. He couldn’t hear the much quieter and contained conversation between the two of them.

She turned to him and he pretended not to notice as he turned around and started eating more of the food on his plate. He felt her hand on his arm.

“Shane? Can we talk?”

“About what?”

“About what happened. Let’s go to the docks.”

He felt like he was in trouble as he followed her. He could feel the eyes on them as they went to a more secluded spot. Stevie sat on the edge, letting her toes dip into the ocean. He sat beside her.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I guess- I thought you were ready or that you felt the same. It wasn’t fair of me to assume. I felt really bad about what happened and I started going back to my old bad habits, so I just disappeared for a few days but now I feel brand new. I have new hair, some new records, and I guess a new outlook.”

“It’s ok. You didn’t make a mistake. I’m just a coward, and honestly, I don’t think I’m ready to be with anyone. I’m a mess of nerves and I’m still trying to get better too. I like you, Stevie. I really do and I haven’t felt closer to anyone in a very long time but I-I just need to work things through before I can even think of being with someone.”

“Yeah… I guess I just got ahead of myself. I got you something.” She pulled her backpack around and pulled out a shirt that was neatly folded.

For the first time in a very long time, he let out a hearty and genuine laugh. It was a shirt that had a chicken on it that said “CHICK MAGNET” in bright bold letters. He covered his face and caught his breath before he hugged her.

“I love it. Thank you.”

This time, Stevie was the one caught in a hug and it warmed her to the core. She hugged him back and sighed softly.

They both turned to return to the party and it seemed the whole town had been watching. They all quickly returned to what they were doing, trying to act like they weren’t interested in their personal lives. Shane went back to pigging out, Stevie went over to Marnie to chat. He heard her mention something about throwing Jas a late birthday party since all they did last week was have dinner and cake. Shane smiled at the idea, that girl deserved it.

He smiled as she watched her move around the party, talking to everyone as usual. He was convinced that her produce made the stew as delicious as it was.

\------

Shane, Marnie, and Stevie had spent all day getting ready for Jas’s party. She was due home around 6:30 and they had invited Vincent and Penny of course. She had all her presents neatly stacked for her and the farmer had prepared plum pudding for her. It seemed all ready to go and the three sat with each other at the table, waiting for Jas to come through those doors.  
When she stepped through with Penny and Vincent, they all screamed “surprise!”

Jas smiled big and ran over to the table, looking at all the stuff they prepared for her.

“Is this all for me? But my birthday was at the beginning of the month!”

“Well, we felt that you deserved a lot more than what you got, kiddo.”

“Is there pizza?” Vincent ran up behind her and grabbed a slice before anyone could even answer.

Penny sat down next to Marnie, smiling softly and watching the kids.

After dinner and plum pudding, it was time for presents. She got a number of things: a flower from Vincent, an educational coloring book from Penny, homemade cookies from Marnie, and even a beautiful opal from Stevie.

Shane felt nervous and excited when Jas tore at the packing around his gift. Marnie did it, he was too clumsy and uncoordinated to do something nice like that. He knew Jas had opened it when he heard her gasp with amazement.

“These are real bunny-jewel slippers!” She ran up to Shane and hugged him tightly, he turned a violent shade of red and hugged her back.  
“But, these are really expensive. How did you afford them?”

“I’ve cut back on an expensive habit. I have a lot more spending money now.”

“Thanks, dad!” Jas kissed him on the cheek and she ran off to go play in her room with Vincent. Penny followed behind them to keep an eye on the two.

Shane noticed that Stevie and Marnie were staring at him with mischievous smiles after hearing Jas call him dad. He pulled his hood over his face and pulled the strings tight to obscure his face from their view.

“Shut up,” he said, getting up to go.

Stevie stood up as well, stretching out. “I should get going, I need to make sure the animals are all settled in. Plus, I have some work to do on the fields tomorrow.”

“Sha-“ Marnie started, but Stevie knew exactly what she was going to say.

“I don’t need an escort, Marnie. But thanks. I have Sleipnir hitched outside, I’m sure he’s feeling a little restless.”

Shane felt relieved. He was already embarrassed and he was tired from the long week of worrying and waiting. He still walked out with Stevie to her horse and wrapped her up into his arms. For the first time, he was the one initiating contact.

She hugged him back, doing her best to hide her face from him.

“Text me, okay?” Shane let go of her and watched her mount her horse.

“Yeah, of course. Goodnight, chicken boy.”

“’Night, farmer.”

He walked back in and sat down on his bed. He felt like a school child as he immediately messaged her.

“I can’t believe she called me dad. I’m both honored and embarrassed haha.”

“:) Well, I think you’re a great godfather. I bet you’d make a great dad, too.”

He stared at the reply. Was she hinting something?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its short and terse sorry i've been dealing with shit


	11. Problems

Saturday was finally here. Finally, a day that he could just lay in bed and do nothing if he wanted to. He stared at the ceiling on top of the sheets, watching the shadows of the leaves outside creating patterns on the walls around him. His phone vibrated on the night stand beside him and he opened the message from Emily.

“Good morning starshine. The earth says hello. ❤ I’m trying out a crazy new idea. Come to the mayor’s house this afternoon. I invited the farmer too. You better come or else >_>”

Shane groaned, he wasn’t feeling up to it. Now that he had cut down on his drinking a lot, he found days where his irritability went through the roof right beside his anxiety. He still didn’t know how to socialize, and knowing Emily, this thing was probably something embarrassing. Even if he didn’t go, she’d probably still embarrass him.

“Okay. I’ll meet you there.”

He lifted himself out of bed and rubbed his eyes before running his fingers through his hair with a sigh.

_I just hope it’s not too embarrassing…_

After a frozen pizza for lunch and long shower, Shane finally emerged from the house. He squinted his eyes angrily at the sun as started the long walk to the mayor’s house. He pulled off his sweater and wrapped it around his waist he trudged through the sweltering heat. He wiped his face clean of sweat before walking into the cool interior of the house.

He found his way to a spot near the table and eyed his surroundings. Clint was there, of course. So was the weird girl with purple hair and the strong red-head that he would to see at the bar on Friday nights. He and Lewis exchanged awkward nods.

He was thankful he didn’t see Stevie as Emily went on and on about self-acceptance and choosing an outfit that matched how you felt. He knew this would be embarrassing, and even worse, he knew that if he didn’t take it seriously Emily would probably make him do something even more embarrassing.

“Shane, why don’t you go first?”

He froze and shivered. Suddenly, it felt like the dead of winter. He hated feeling all the eyes on him and he felt himself giving Clint, of all people, an icy stare.

“Okay…” he said before disappearing behind the curtain. He pulled out an outfit, it reminded him of the old days when he had a passion for goth music. He was sitting in front of the vanity applying dark lipstick when he heard the door of the house open and close.

“Stevie!! You made it just in time! Just sit back and watch, for now.”

Oh shit, the farmer was here. He looked at himself in the mirror and his outfit and realized there was no going back at this point. He straightened his back and walked out as confidently as possible.

He heard Robin give him a “wow” and he felt his eye twitch in annoyance but he was happy that the purple haired girl called him “cool”. He looked over at Stevie who was staring at him and… Blushing?

“Shane, this is a side of you we’ve never known about. That’s great! Now go out and show the world.”

“Okay,” he started walking. Stevie’s reaction to his choice in attire gave him all the confidence in the world at that moment and he walked past her with a little smirk. He walked out into the bright sunlight and sat nearby under a tree as he waited for Stevie. He was excited to see what she chose.

He saw Robin exit. Plain. Then Lewis. “I better not see you wearing that around the farm.” And a knight? Whoever wore it was too big to be Stevie and too short to be Clint. Then Clint came out, looked at Shane and ran back in. He was surprised to see him exit the house again and run back to his cottage. He continued to wait in the hot sun, and he started to regret the dark clothes. The leather was sticking to his skin.

Stevie finally came out and he was not disappointed. She wore a black sunhat over her mossy green hair and a long, black, and flowing shoulderless dress. She had a decorative scarf wrapped around her shoulders, she looked somewhere between a witch and a goddess in his eyes. His jaw dropped and he stood up and walked over to her.

“Wow, you look great. You look just about ready to sing some Fleetwood Mac.” He noted the way her cheeks filled with color.  
“T-thanks, Shane. You look really nice too,” she said, smiling up at him bashfully.

He felt pride in his appearance for the first time in a long time. He almost forgot what that felt like.

“Why don’t we get a drink? I’ll pay.”

“That sounds great,” she said as she grabbed onto his exposed arm. “I-is this okay?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

They walked the short distance to the car and sat next to each other at the bar. Emily showed up to work shortly after them and walked over to them.

“Oh you’re still wearing your outfit, Shane! I thought you’d take it off ASAP.”

“Nah, I kind of like it, Em.”

“Well, you’re not the only one.” Emily glanced over to Stevie who was staring into her mug, pretending she didn’t just hear Emily say that as she walked away.

They drank together in silence. Shane was surprised that Stevie was so quiet, she usually had something new to talk about. He looked at her and wondered if there was something wrong, or if she was just that embarrassed. Her gaze was fixed on the bubbles in her glass.

“Stevie? Are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I’ve just been having trouble concentrating lately. There’s been a lot going on in my life.”

“Oh, I see.”

The bar began to fill with patrons as the night went on. There was a buzz all around them, a mess of white noise that seemed to drown everything else out. He watched her fingers as they twirled around the ends of her hair.

“I’m scared things are going to get complicated because of me.”

Shane was surprised to hear this suddenly. She pulled her hands away from her hair and covered her face as she sighed in exhaustion. He listened to her intently, trying to do as she’s done for him many times.

“I thought living my life on a farm would be easier. But now I’m starting to realize it’s never going to get easier. The work is harder, of course, but now my relationships with people seem more complicated and much harder to control in such a closed off setting. I’m starting to ask myself what I really want, and if I do what I really want, I’m scared of hurting the people I care about. I’m scared of becoming my old self again. That’s why I cut off all my hair and dyed it a different color. So I could have a physical reminder that I’m no longer that person.”

She grabbed the drink in front of her and took a few big gulps.

“But even now, I still want to go back to the drugs. I want to run away from all the problems that I have in this town, just like I did in the city. That’s initially why I went back. I was thinking of finding a new place, maybe partying a bit before I came back here and cleaned up all my shit. But even after one day of my old life I missed being here. I missed the smell of the farm and the sound of my rooster in the morning. Even though I was terrified of what I did to our relationship, I came back and tried to fix things but now things are more complicated with other people.”

She leaned against him with her drink in hand and he could almost feel the stress radiating from her. It was a miasma of frustration, exhaustion, and anxiety. This was something he often felt in himself, and he was surprised her demeanor felt so familiar.

Shane wrapped his arm around her cautiously and squeezed her softly.

“What brought all of this on? What happened, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“It’s just that Sebastian has been acting odd. At game night, he told me that Sam couldn’t come but Sam said he never got the invitation. And he asked me to go for a ride on his motorcycle with him at some point. I mean, it doesn’t mean he _likes_ me but the possibility is enough to scare me.”

Shane felt a pain in his heart. How could be compete with someone handsome that was her age. He didn’t notice that his grip tightened on her arm.

“I- Well, do you like him or…?”

Stevie polished off her drink as she thought about this.

“Well, yes. As a friend. I’m not sure if I could ever like him more than that. He’s sweet, and we have a lot in common but I don’t know if he would understand me as a person. And of course, there’s you and the fact of the matter is I’m not going to just stop having feelings for you.”

“Am I… Holding you back?” He couldn’t help but feel guilty. That caused an internal conflict with his jealousy that urged him to keep her all to himself.

“No, no. It’s nothing like that. It’s not like you forced me to like you. You tried to do the opposite but the heart wants what the heart wants. I guess I’m scared of losing him as a friend more than anything. But dating him on that basis also wouldn’t be fair to him. I mean, I haven’t even been here a year and I’ve already caught feelings for someone. That’s a bit ridiculous.”

“Yeah, and you chose the one with the most problems too.”

She laughed softly and sat up in her chair. She sighed like there was a huge weight taken off her shoulders. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but her problems made him feel balanced and normal. He stared at her, smiling softly and thinking about the feeling of her lips against his.

“Yeah, well… Perfection makes me uneasy.”

“Me too.”


	12. The Beach

The dry season had finally hit the valley towards the end of the summer. It seemed like there were only 2 or 3 days of thunderstorms before the valley was in a drought again. Usually he didn’t mind the arid weather. Dreary days made him want to drink after all but now the rainless weather meant he never got to see the farmer. She would come to the bar some nights but she didn’t talk much and she always seemed so exhausted. Of course, Shane let the anxiety get the best of him and he started to think that she didn’t like him anymore, that they were hardly even friends now.

In the back of his mind he knew that this line of thought was wrong. He knew that summer meant hard work for farmers like her. If they weren’t friends why would she even bother talking to him at the bar? Even though those shitty thoughts came through his head, he knew he had to do one of two things, either combat them with positive thinking or ignore them until they go away. Today, he chose to do the latter.

“That should do it,” he said to himself as he leaned back on his heels and looked at the freshly painted sign that read “FRESH EGGS.” He set the paintbrush down and sat down next to his closest friend and companion chicken, Charlie. The hen clucked and hopped into his arms as leaned back and smiled.

“This is the perfect house for your hens. We’ll have the best eggs in the whole valley! Fresh and healthy with nice golden yolks, unlike those gross Joja ones…”

The hen pushed her head into Shane’s neck and nuzzled him affectionately, letting out soft trills as she rested against him. Shane let out a long sigh.

“You know Charlie, I was thinking… A guy like me is always teetering on the edge of despair… You know what I mean?” He stroked the hen’s head feathers softly as she looked at him, seemingly understanding every word he spoke.

“But you and the other girls are going to keep me upright from now on, right?” The hen blinked softly at him and he smiled.

“What, too much pressure?” He chuckled as Jas and Stevie walked in. He set Charlie next to him and stood up with excitement, he felt like he hadn’t seen the farmer in eons.

“Hey, Stevie! So… What do you think?”

“Hey Shane,” she walked over to his side and the aquamarine chickens pecked around their feet.

“They’re my special blue chickens. I’ve been raising them in secret for the past few months.”

“Oh, really? They’re lovely. They have such pretty feathers, I didn’t know you had such a hobby.”

Shane rubbed the short hair on the back of his head nervously as he thought about what to say.

“I… Well I won’t be living here forever and I wanted to pass something on to Jas. I’ve been teaching her how to care for them.” He smiled over at Jas who was petting one of the hens affectionately.

“I want to feel like I’m not just a leech on the world. I want to contribute somehow, even if it’s a small way like this.”

“That’s fantastic, Shane. I’m glad you have something like this that you can share with Jas and I’m glad you showed me,” Stevie said as the smiled up at him.

He turned away from her and looked down at the chicks that were clucking at his feet.

“Shane, I’m going to go inside and play,” Jas came by and hugged his legs before running inside. 

Shane stood beside Stevie, anxiously twiddling his thumbs. It had been a while since they were completely alone together and the last time they were, he ended up running out on her. The feeling of her lips against his raced across his mind for a moment and he felt a knot rise in his throat.

“So, Shane. I was wondering if you were going to the jellyfish thing tonight?”

“What? Oh, I wasn’t really planning on it. I have work tomorrow. Are you going?”

“Well, I actually have a lot to go tomorrow too, first of the season and all, but I think I’ll go anyway. At least this once. I have a lot to do until winter, and I just got my first cow. I was hoping you were going too, just so I have someone to hang out with.”

His heart felt like it was going to jump right out of his chest and he glanced down at her.

“Not like a date or anything, I know you’re not ready for that I just-“

“I’ll go. We can go together,” he blurted out. It was like word vomit. He wasn’t even sure what he meant by “together” but he was sure that’s what he meant to say. “We can meet here at 9 and we’ll get there a little early.”

She looked up at him and smiled a smile that had the radiance of a thousand suns. “Sounds good, I’ll bring a blanket and some warm drinks. I heard it’s going to get cold tonight.”

“Okay, sounds great.” He walked with her out to the kitchen and locked the door behind them. “I’ll see you then, have a safe walk home, Stevie.”

She waved at him with a smile and replied with a smirk as she walked out the door. The moment he heard the door close he rushed to the bathroom and looked in the bathroom door. He had dirt smudged cross his nose from doing farm work and the bags under his eyes made him grimace.

“Wow… I look like shit. And I just told her we’d be going together. I wouldn’t want to go with a guy that looks like this…” He grabbed his electric razor and gave his undercut a touch up and hopped into the shower. He stepped out fresh and wrapped a towel around his waist. His figure in the mirror caught his eye and he stood up straight and pulled his stomach in.

“….Buh.”

He released the tension and groaned. “Yoba, I’ve gained weight… All that walking for nothing…” He grabbed his razor and carefully shaved his face. It didn’t do much, his permanent 5 o’ clock shadow still remained.

He walked into his room and thumbed through the clothes in his closet. T-shirt, t-shirt, gridball jersey… The all looked the same except for one dark grey button up shirt that he hadn’t worn since Jas’s parents were still alive. He pulled it around his shoulders and started buttoning down until he got to his stomach.

“Fuck… It’s too small… If I suck it in, it’ll look even worse.”

He pulled it off and hurled it in the back of the closet.

“Ugh, at least I don’t wear this all the time… I think she’ll like it.” He pulled on a band t-shirt, his same old shorts, and his same old Joja hoodie. He looked at the closet mirror and scratched his chin.

_I still look the same… Why am I even worrying so much anyway? She was the one that kissed me. I was the one that rejected her….. I wish I had some cologne, though._

He walked out into the kitchen and started heating up some pizza in the microwave, he should probably eat if he was hanging out with her. Knowing her, hot drinks probably meant hot toddies or Irish coffee. He smirked thinking about it and stared as his pizza spun slowly in the microwave.

“You’re looking snazzy, Shane,” Marnie remarked as she walked in for a fresh cup of coffee. “Have a hot date?”

“Thanks, aunt Marnie… And no. Well, maybe… I don’t know what it is.”

“Is it with the farmer?”

He grunted as he pulled out his pizza and sat at the table. “Does it seem like I have any other friends, Marnie.” She shrugged and returned to her work desk with a fresh cup of coffee in her hand. 

Shane looked up at the clock after finishing his pizza. It was almost 9, meaning she was probably going to be here any minute. He stood up, threw his trash away and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. He opened it and chugged the whole drink in seconds and discarded his can just as he heard the front door jingle.

“Oh hey, Marnie! Are you guys going to the jelly thing too?”

“Yeah, a little later. You look lovely tonight, Stevie.”

“Aw, thanks. Is Shane home?”

Shane walked into the front of the house nervously, rubbing the back of his head.

“I’m ready to go, are you?”

Stevie nodded and turned to Marnie. “I’ll see you guys at the beach later!”

The two of them opened the door and walked out into the cool night air. Shane could feel that fall was practically already here from the way the breeze rustled the yellowing leaves around them. Shane looked down at Stevie as they started to walk together. He could hardly handle the way she wore those thigh high socks and that oversized sweater. The shade of lipstick she was wearing matched her perfectly and his heart began to race, wondering if she thought this was a date.

“So, uh, you look nice tonight…” He wasn’t sure what else to say; his mind was racing too fast to think of good conversation.

“Thanks, you look nice too. It’s rare that you wear anything that isn’t gridball related. I just thought I’d look nice, since I usually can’t. It would be a waste if I just sweat all my make up off.”

So, she didn’t dress up for a date… He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed by this and he started to wonder if he was ready to start dating again.

“Thanks, it’s been a while since I cleaned up too. There’s not a whole lot of reason to when all I do is work, drink, and sleep,” he said as they stepped onto the sandy beach. He was glad he wore tennis shoes, the beach as cold and there was a stinging wind that whipped around them as they walked to the dock. They both sat down together and hung their feet off the edge. Stevie unfolded the blanket and draped it over their exposed legs and pulled out two thermoses from her backpack.

“Let’s see here… I brought a hot toddy for me and a non-alcoholic hot chocolate with chili powder for you. And I brought some whiskey minis, just in case you wanted some,” she said as she handed him his thermos. She unscrewed hers and took a swig with a satisfied sigh. It seemed there was still a lot of time before anyone else other than the mayor, Demetrius, and Willy would show up.

Shane opened his own thermos and took a sip. “Wow, that’s really good! I haven’t had anything like this since I was a kid…”

“Oh really? I grew up in the desert of the southwest. Chocolate and chili is pretty common. I know you like chili so I made you some. I’m glad you like it.” He suddenly felt her weight on him as she leaned against him. “Is this ok?”

“Yeah, it is,” he spoke softly as he looked down at her. His arm found its way around her shoulder and he gave her a gentle squeeze. “Can I talk to you about something?”

“Y-yeah. You can talk to me whenever you want, Shane.”

He could see that he was making her flustered. He felt a small surge of confidence and he smirked.

“I was actually kind of scared we were starting to drift apart. I haven’t been this close to anyone in a long time and I lost those people in my life. I’m still having trouble with my anxiety and my depression but having you as a friend seems to make things a lot easier for me. It was so refreshing to see you today, it reminded me that you’re someone I can always depend on. I’m really grateful for that…”

He knew he was ready now. He felt that there was nowhere else he rather be than sitting on that cold dark dock with her, and it reminded him of their first talk together. His hands started to sweat and he felt a knot stinging his throat as he spoke.

“I-I guess what I’m trying to say is that… I- no we should maybe try… Ugh! I want you to be my girlfriend, damn it.” There it was, he had to force it out, but once he did he felt relief to wash over him.

Stevie sputtered on her drink and then looked at him with bewilderment. She wasn’t saying anything; did he do something wrong? Did she change her mind or was there someone else? His mind flashed to her talking about Sebastian, and he thought about all the other people in the town that would be better for her. 

He grabbed her face gently and pushed his lips against hers, desperate for any answer at his point. She melted into his kiss, pressing gently into it as well as her hand rested on top of his. He pulled away and looked down into her eyes. For a moment, the world around them became static and he searched her face for an answer.

“So, is that a yes, then?”

“Y-yeah, I think so.”

The two sat and listened to the soft rhythm of the waves hitting the dock, watching the reflection of the lanterns floating on the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this 20 times and i still hate it whoops


	13. DISCONTINUED

Sorry guys, after looking several chapters I had written for this and after a long battle to stay sane, I'm going to have to scrap this project. I felt like it was underdeveloped and severely lacking and I think it's best if I just start all over again. I plan to write another Shane fanfiction along with a few others but this time starting with a definition of who the characters are and the whole story arc. Sorry again, life has just been an asshole and continuing this project will only put more stress one me.


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